TA DA!! Look What I can Do!

Guess What I went & Did!
YESssssss! I said Yessss!
I went & Married my Man! & What an amazing Man he is!
I cant say it enough.. he completes me.. he makes me.. he Is me..
or.. as he says..I am you.. you are me...
this.. is something in my life that is so right..
Him..
us..
We.. together!

Ive always known im a happier person as a couple..
and Ive said it time & time again..
I'm a much better person as a couple then I could ever be alone..
Not to say i couldnt 'do it alone'..
I could.. quite well probably.. But then there's that whole 'happiness' factor.
I dont' NEED a man.. But I do need a partner..
Someone in life that loves me.. respects me.. encourages me.. in every aspect..
wants me as much as I do him.. and he does..
My love does all of these things for me.. with me.
And Bonus, he adores me along with everything else.. He truly thinks of me as
the best thing that has ever happened to him..
Which is awesome.. because I Know this to be true for me as well..
He .. is the beat of my heart..

Ok.. enough of that.. I know in reading it people are most likely on the verge
of nausea.. Somehing about listening to someone go on and on about a person they love tends to make you want to not look..
So..
promise.. I'll keep these teen moments to my self..
alright..
maybe just one more..
K&C Forever!!

Whats Next?

Ok.. Just wrote to My Great friend CS.. I swear If i had one person Icould have be my own personal Cheerleader.. it'd most likely be her!
No matter the ass kickin I give myself.. She always manages to make me reel it back in .
Anyway.. I'd mentioned that life is good.. So I should probably continue on with writing about that.. As most people tend to dwel on the Crap rather then the good.. I think maybe sometimes its a little easier to do.. So.. Lets see what positives i can focus on.
(Even though this IS the nitegardener page!)

Its official.. Im happy.
Content, relieved some more with life. especially in knowing that I am with someone so wonderful and kind & loving.
We plan our life together. looking at what direction we want to now go.
Moving some day very soon is in our near future (Hopefully)..Since we are currently dwelling in 2 households still. This is very irritating as well as not very efficiant, cost effectively.
Why have double expenses?
Utilities etc. Besides.. I find myself spending so much on gas running back & forth between the two places trying to keep up with my place too.
We know theres an inevitable move.. and are happily looking forward to this!
My place wont do. ties, memories, burdens & issues there.
His does not hold the Lifestyle possibilities we both yearn for.
Which is a more 'Self Sustaining' livelihood along with some space that allows us to expand & grow.. As well as some nice big fat breathing room!

Growing up in the 60's & 70's as kids.. Surrounded by Vietnam News, Protests & politics as we did. We both seem to question everything.. The Why's.. The Validity.. The Reasons..
Add to that the fact that we both are very even tempered, easy going & relaxed about most things.. (Yes.. Mine is there.. just s bit burried from being sat on for so long..)
We feel confident in that we can rely on each other for most of what we seek.
We are comfortable in knowing that we wont need much.. Actually would rather less.
Be more self reliant & self sustaining in our ventures together.
We are already leaning in that direction.. Christopher is an avid Gardener.. Quite handy.
& I try real hard at both.. Always Supporting my man!
We have a nice cashe of seeds and beans from previous harvests.. of course lots more will be needed to do what we hope to.
We have some pretty amazing chickens!
A hand ful of Americauna's, a couple Sexlinks, some Reds (A Buff & a Rhodi Island Red.) and even a Silkie Hybrid!
Goats are a nice goal for us...
Had em before.. loved the fun entertainment they always were..
Now we're gonna put em to work!
More fowl and we'll grow from there.
We hope to move quickly in our plans so we can begin our journey then move towards helping others find the same 'brigadoon' as we hope to create for ourselves.
I am very much looking forward to some many happy years of joy, peace, enrichment, nourishing thoughts, contented days & a fulfilling lifestyle.
Now the biggest thing for us is locating a place to call home.. And go from their!

To be Continued....

"Slack Ass"

SLACK ASS! THIS should surely be my new Title when it comes to keeping up in BLOG Land!
Seriously..
I cant seem to motivate myself to write.. and funny thing is.. i really do enjoy it..
This blindless purging..
So.. 'Ruler to Wrist'.. Here goes again.. (Not that anyone reads me anymore cause they just never know when I will go into a rant or bitch over laod and feel compelled to spill anymore..)
But I feel I need to.. especially when I may actually have good things happening in my life..
Ok.. Divorced a year now.. Check.
Still struggle emotionally with said Divorce.. or more so.. the actual break up.
But.. Water under the bridge so to speak.. I survived the 1st year of sepeartion.. drowned a little.. Thank God for Family , friends and love.
Made it through an entire 1st year of divorce with out jumping outta any open windows.. What a year that was.. But strangely.. not as horrible as the year of seperation BEFORE the Divorce.. I had moments of clarity.. moments of ghost walking.. lots of numbness and truly.. so many dumb ideas and thoughts.. add to that 'Speed dating'.. I have no idea what my mind was trying to do.
I did realize early on that 1. I did NOT want to be alone.. & 2. That I was in search of a partner.
Funny.. (Not HaHa) I said things like.." I know Im a better person as a couple then i could ever be as a single person'. And I dont mean by saying that Im not ok on my own.. or that I am not of any value or have no quality being by myself.. I just know im happiest being with someone.. having someone to take care and someone that cares for me in the same way..
I KNEW I did NOT want to be alone....!
So...
The "Taking Applications and Conducting Interviews" process began!
Rarely did one make it to the 2nd interview.. rarer yet.. a 3rd..
Being "Voted off my Island" was inevitable.
Im not fussy.. Im not picky.. Im not looking for perfection..
Im looking for mine..
MY perfect fit. MY Soul mate. MY True Love. MY Man!
I found him.
I'd decidced I was done searching.. For awhile anyway. I was going to take in my search feeders and just try to recoup and ponder life.. only temporarily though..
And of course.. thats how it happens.. He found me..
I said i found him.. Truthfully.. he found me..
I had decided I liked him right off.. But was now in the.. "just a day at a time, not looking" mode now. So i saw us as possibly being great friends but had no inclination of it being more.
Our first 'Date'.. As HE calls it was our "Potatoe Chucking Date" He invited me out to his house.. Where he planned a great dinner of one of his Specialties.. Meatloaf!! Terrific dinner!
But prior to our dinner he showed me around his Home & Garden.. Where he decided we needed to forage for potatoes! He started digging in with his pitchfork and began unearthing some beautiful home growns! I sat along the grass as we talked and he worked.. He then procceded to 'chuck' potatoes at me.. Quite funny on a 1st date I thought! Definetly brought an aire of ease to the date! We then finished preparing dinner.. stuck it in the oven And took a quik drive out to the Beach to see the sun set. It was so freaking windy and cold He burried me in his jacket! Nice & Cozy! (I'm certain now today this of course was part of his plan to woe me.
Home for a great Dinner.. Then he reminded me how to play Back Gammon after over 20 years of not playing... I sucked at it of course..
So.. History was made..
I am Still with My Potatoe Chuckin Man today & In More Love With him then Id ever thought I deserved to be!
So.. Happy Ending for me after all!

Life Goes on.............

And on.. And on.. And on.. somewhere.
Still plugging at it.. still working at it.. still looking, hoping and trying to make things work.
What a difficult life it is starting from scratch alone.
Still of the mind set that I never felt I took anything for granted as far as the many gifts of my life..
Good, Bad or Otherwise.
But dammit..
How did I never 'see' how hard this would be?
Not that I had a choice.. not that I had a say so really.
I mean sure.. there were tough times.. rough patches and worrisome bouts.
But this.. This sense of alone and stranded and abandondment can be quite over whelming at times.
Making one wonder how we go on.
How we will ever, I mean EVER make it out alive!
Surely scathed!
The polar opposite of course of 'unscathed'!
Not to be confused of course with damaged goods mind you.. just damaged.

I'd like to say each day gets a bit easier.
It doesnt really, but maybe a little less painful.
Maybe a little less devastation..
Tears still flow, just able to keep them a bit more in check.
Not quite so mind of their own-ish.

Still.. plenty of worry, fear, wonder and what ifs going on..

But!

I do realize for the first time tonight I just may be ready to make some jokes about it all.
Not whats happened really.. not about him or us or the loss of a life..
But the aftermath..
Mulling it around a bit tonight.
Thinking my next installment or 2 might just so happen to be a bit if for lack of better words..
Strangely humorous.....

Thoughts are roaming....

TBC..

Old Me.. Slightly More Jaded

After being 'gone' for so long I know I need to write, to express, to purge.
I have been keeping a journal. But somehow, this feeling very unfulfilling.
Ive missed my Blog(s). I think this is where I need to be.
I miss so many of my friends from 'here'....

Now looking at my life I am so very imprssed with my having split into 2 Blogs!
I can still do the Sweet, Cute and Girlie stuff over at the Lighter side..
But can still express and vent and bitch here with out too much concern of Stepping on Toes or offending..

The Down Side is this:
Im writing now to REALLY unload..
Im divorced.. He left me, He says Im no longer what he wants..
Have you ANY idea the hell , pain and fear It is to be starting all over again , ON YOUR OWN..
In every aspect of your life at this age?
Devastating!
THIS truly is the word of the year!
Nothing else better describes it!
I wish this feeling and experience on No one else.
Not even him.

So, forgive me in advance for my rants and ramblings here for as long as Im compelled to
expell them..
Im sure I'll be ignored or snuck off away from for a bit by some.
But really.. This is my life , whats left of it and how I choose to move forward and live again, rebuilding around me.

Please, feel free to tell me to shut the hell up.. Shake it off.. Move forward.. Let it go.. Piss off..
tell me your experiences.. Anything..
Everything..
Im here to hear.. to gain insight and wanting to move forward..
With just a shade more jade to me then before....

Working anyone???

Is everyone working now except me? Or are we all still unemployed?
Because for the love of God I NEED A DAMN JOB!!!
Worked devotedly for the same company for over 2 years..
Then.. last year on April 1st.. ( Yes.. April fools day..)
They showed up looking like the Men in Black and played a very ugly game of
Duck Duck Goose.. and with in a weeks time 150 of my closest friends an enemies were hitting
the skids and heading for the unemployment line! Same thing happened in one of our offices
just north of us but there were over 250 that were abducted from that office!
So.. just incase there was ANY Question WHAT so ever...
It is NOT the Happiest Place on Earth! they are big fat liars!
I still need a job.. And as of yet I'm getting nothing back!
So it appears that there is not a big call for Bossy, Smart Ass , Middle Aged Woman!
.... Side Note ....
If you hear of anything.. be sure and let me know!

Well.. So much for a Commitment to Resolutions..

I do have a real want to do this.. even a need to ..
So I am dragging my sorry ass to this computer to post.. however miserable my messages may be.
o here it is. Post.. Post Post.. There.. I did is. Nah!

Lots of Love to You All..